Ask Dr. E

Answers to your questions about getting married,retrieving
repressed memories, treating depression and more.

Dear Dr. E.,

I'm 25 years old and about to marry someone I love deeply.
Unfortunately, I recently fell in love with another man, and I want to
sleep with him. Can you be in love with two people at the same time?
Should I cancel my wedding?

--Rena J., via e-mail

Dear Rena,

Yes and maybe. You can certainly be in love with more than one
person at the same time. Monogamy is a challenge, and surveys suggest
that only half of all individuals who marry are able to stay faithful to
their spouses. As for your wedding, ask yourself this: Are you truly
ready to make a lifetime commitment to this man?

Dear Dr. E,

I'm seeing a therapist who wants me to undergo hypnosis to retrieve
memories that I may have repressed. I believe that if I have repressed
memories, it was probably for good reason. Ever since my therapist made
this suggestion, I have been having anxiety attacks. What should I
do?

--Cat, Salem, MA

Dear Cat,

The British Psychiatric Association now forbids its members from
deliberately seeking to uncover "repressed" memories, and many American
mental health professionals are also wary. Decades of research show that
memory is a highly imperfect process. False memories can easily be
established by an overzealous therapist, and it's nearly impossible to
distinguish a real memory from a false one. If you're curious about your
past, try learning about it from written records or people who were
there.

Dear Dr. E,

When is it healthy for parents to stay out of their children's
lives and allow them to start interacting socially with others on their
own?

--D., New York, NY

Dear D.,

We tend to infantilize young people these days, which is probably
why so many of them are unhappy. In my view, parents should give both
authority and responsibility to their children as soon as they can handle
it. As our senior citizens are now demonstrating, age is a poor predictor
of ability.

Dear Dr. E,

Due to my fiancee's complaints about my low sex drive, I have
stopped taking Prozac. Unfortunately, the other drugs I have tried
haven't worked; now I cry if \a pin drops! Is it possible for me to stay
on Prozac and somehow increase my sex drive?

--H., Newark, NJ

Dear H,

Prozac can reduce sex drive in some people and increase it in
others. Stay informed about the new antidepressants under development.
One of them might solve your problem. You might also try counseling,
which, unlike medication, has no side effects.

Dear Dr. E,

If a young child's parents are deaf, will the child's development
be adversely affected?

--D., Livingston, NJ

Dear D.,

Not necessarily. Thanks to modern technology, deaf parents can
provide good care. A baby's cries, for example, can activate flashing
lights that alert parents to their baby's distress. As long as children
are exposed to spoken language, they'll almost certainly learn normal
speech. A hearing parent who is neglectful or abusive will do far more
harm than a caring, deaf parent.

Dear Dr. E,

My brother suffers from severe depression. Often he can't even get
out of bed because his mood is so low. What causes this kind of
depression, and what can be done about it?

--Connie, Whitby, ON

Dear Connie,

Millions of Americans suffer from debilitating depressions, and
many--especially men--don't seek treatment. Depression can be
devastating, leading to insurmountable personal and professional
problems. Severe depressions probably have both biological and
psychological causes, and most can be alleviated by therapy, medication
or a combination of the two. To learn more, contact the National
Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association at www.ndmda.org or
1-800-826-3632.

Robert Epstein, Ph.D.

Please send your questions to psychtoday@juno.com, or call our
24-hour hotline: (877) PSYCH-TODAY. Questions may be aired on PT's
nationally syndicated radio program. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY reserves the right
to edit all submitted material.

To be referred to a therapist, contact: The American Association
for Marriage and Family Therapy: www.aamft.org The American Psychological
Association: www.apa.org or (800) 964-2000 The Association for the
Advancement of Behavior Therapy: www.aabt.org The National Association of
Social Workers: (800) 638-8799 The National Board for Certified
Counselors: (336) 547-0607

Adapted by Ph.D.