Welcome
o Where can you find top-notch therapists at rock-bottom
prices?
o Where can you buy antidepressants without getting
depressed?
o Where can you chat with other dysfunctional people while
completely naked? Right here at ShrinkCity.com.
ShrinkCity.com is one-stop shopping for all your mental health
needs, where you'll find everything from positive reinforcement to grief
counseling, from hypnotherapy to online interventions. And don't forget
to check out our large selection of Pokemon cards! Take a few minutes to
visit us and take advantage of these exciting features:
Online Shrinkage
We have real live human therapists on call 24/7 ready to respond
appropriately to your every syllable no matter how many times they've
heard the same sob story. Each of our Certified Therapists has gone
through an intense training of at least two weeks.
And all this from the comfort of your own home, a particularly
valuable benefit if you are agoraphobic. No more dressing up and dragging
yourself to a dreary impersonal office building, or thumbing through an
eight-month-old People magazine, touched by patients with God-knows-what
diseases.
EgoTrips
Our boutique travel agency tokes you on vacations that match your
psychological profile. This month we're featuring a bipolar trip to the
Arctic/Antarctic, an Attention Deficit Disorder whirlwind tour of Europe
(12 countries in two days) and a Depressives Cruise to nowhere. And if
you want the old-fashioned kind of Ego Trip, we'll e-mail you sincere
praise each and every day for only $29.95 o month.
Group Therapy
Pay a visit to our Multiple Personality Chat Room, a wonderful way
to meet new people, even if you're the only one online. Also fry our
Family Therapy Room, where you and your relatives can all log on and
ignore each others messages. High-strung clients will love our Manic Chat
Room (Warning: Must type 100 words a minute).
PriceNarc
Here, you name the price for overnight delivery of your favorite
antidepressants, including our own special generic brands such as Prozax,
Ritalik and Lithiun. Our lenient prescription policy and pill-popping
employees have made us the choice of discriminating drug users
everywhere. We're happy to gift wrap, in fact we're happy to do anything.
Be sure to look into our Drug of the Month Club.
ShrinkBay
This No. I auction site for psychological paraphernalia has
excellent buys on used Rorschach test kits, phrenology charts, diplomas,
a huge assortment of couches, Laura Schlessinger photos and a Sigmund
Freud cigar butt.
Disclaimer: ShrinkCity.com is not responsible for any
misinformation, faulty diagnosis, prescription mix-up, lewd e-mail
message or offer of therapeutic foot message made by any employee of
ShrinkCity.com. Use at your own risk.
ILLUSTRATION (COLOR)
Adapted by Ph.D.
Gary Greenberg is a stand-up comic and author of Self Helpless and
The Pop-Up Book of Phobias. Steven R. Pritzker, Ph.D., PT's humor editor,
is co-editor of thew new Encyclopedia of Creativity.
