Instead of fighting fire with fire, socially confident people stop conflict from escalating; they apologize, propose a joint activity, make a peace offering of some kind, or negotiate. And sometimes they just change the subject. That doesn't mean that they yield to another's demands. Extreme submissiveness violates the equality basic to healthy relationships -- and a sense of self-worth.
As people gain social competence, they try to accommodate the needs of both parties. Managing conflict without aggression requires listening, communicating -- arguing, persuading -- taking the perspective of others, controlling negative emotions, and problem-solving. Researchers have found that when people explain their point of view in an argument, they are in essence making a conciliatory move. That almost invariably opens the door for a partner to offer a suggestion that ends the standoff.
8 Laugh A Little
Humor is the single most prized social skill, the fast track to being liked -- at all ages. Humor works even in threatening situations because it defuses negativity. There's no recipe for creating a sense of humor. But even in your darkest moments, try to see the lighter side of a situation.
If you need more help, call the American Psychological Association at 1-800-964-2000 for a referral to a therapist near you. For further resources check www.shyness.com.
SHYNESS SURVEY
- 64% of shy individuals view their shyness as a result of external factors beyond their control, such as early family experiences, over protective parents or peer victimization.
- 24% attribute shyness to internal factors within their control, such as intrapersonal difficulties, like low self-esteem and high self-consciousness, or interpersonal difficulties, like poor social skills and dating difficulties.
- 62% experience feelings of shyness daily.
- 82% report shyness as an undesirable experience.
Types of Individuals who make the shy feel shy:
- 75% strangers
- 71% persons of the opposite sex, in a group
- 65% persons of the opposite sex, one-on-one
- 56% persons of the same sex, in a group
- 45% relatives, other than immediate family
- 38% persons of the same sex, one-on-one
- 22% their parents
- 20% siblings
- 46% believe their shyness can be overcome.
- 7.2% do not believe their shyness can be overcome.
- 85% are willing to work seriously at overcoming shyness.
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