Ask 10 people if forgiveness is good. All will probably tell you that it is. According to most experts, forgiveness is something to which we should aspire. The more wronged we have been, the more divine it is to be able to forgive.
Now ask 10 people if blame is good or bad. All will probably tell you that blame is bad. And yet to forgive, we have to blame. If we do not blame in the first place, there is nothing to forgive.
But there is a step before blame and forgiveness that needs our consideration.
Before we blame, we have to experience the outcome as negative. If your behavior resulted in something positive for me, blame would hardly make sense. Those who see more negativity in the world are then those more likely to place blame.
Evaluations reside in the evaluator, not in outcomes. As we too often forget, outcomes are not good or bad but rather equally good and bad, depending on how we choose to view them. It is in this choice that our greatest control lies. But if we can't find the good, what then?
How do we deal with the slings and arrows that we feel have been aimed at us if we do not hold someone responsible? How can we deal with the hurt caused by others? I am speaking to the small ways we cause each other large hurts, not societal atrocities, murder, and the like, which for many of us are not daily realities. But what is often felt instead is what we view as the broken confidence, the unkept promise, the lack of support. In such instances we nurse our feelings and too often feel self-righteous. We have evaluated their behavior and judged that they have behaved badly.