NEW FINDINGS AND RADICAL CHANGES IN OUR UNDERSTANDING OF ORGASM SHOULD MAKE IT EASIER T0 HAVE STELLAR SEX, AND REAP THE MOTHER LODE OF REWARDS WE NOW KNOW COME WITH IT.
Steven and Beth are making love. They've been doing it two or three times a week for six months in much the same way: Beth lies on her back with her legs in the air. Steven kneels in front of her, inserts his penis and begins to thrust. Beth grinds her hips and moans slightly. Steven thrusts quickly for 30 seconds, moans, and having ejaculated, withdraws. They hug and lie together in the "spoon" position. Both feel mildly disappointed, but that's how they normally feel after sex. He rolls over and goes to sleep. She stays awake, feeling anxious and depressed.
Next door, Karen and Jason are making love for the first time. They spend lots of time on oral sex and both get very aroused. When Jason enters Karen, she is already so aroused that she has an orgasm immediately. Jason can feel the walls of her vagina pulsing around him. He slows down his thrusting. Now he can feel Karen's breathing change as she goes into a second orgasm, which causes her arms and legs to spasm and her heart to race. Now his breathing quickens and with an extremely loud moan he has an orgasm and ejaculation. His whole body spasms. Jason says, "Don't stop. If you keep moving, I can go again." And he does, having two more orgasms in five minutes. Afterward, Karen and Jason feel energized and give off a glow. They are no youngsters. They are in their late 30s.
These two anecdotes illustrate a number of things (other than the fact that I am unlikely to land a job writing erotica any time soon). First, sex is good for you. Because sexual arousal and orgasm involve an interplay of several body systems, it's well known that sex improves our breathing and circulation, resulting in bright eyes, a facial glow and shiny hair. Sex can also improve cardiovascular conditioning, strength, flexibility and muscle tone, and has been known to relieve the symptoms of specific medical conditions, such as menstrual problems, osteoporosis and arthritis.
Arousal and orgasm also benefit our mental health. Because they cause the release of pleasure-inducing endorphins in the brain, they can relieve anxiety and depression, increase vitality and boost the immune system. Sex also creates an emotional and physical bond that is essential for social support. With all the mental and physical benefits of sex, it's like we're walking around with a complete health care system inside our own body.
The second major point that the opening anecdotes illustrate is that orgasm is not the same for everyone. Men and women have different expectations about lovemaking and orgasms. Orgasms can vary greatly in their physical and psychological intensity, and both men and women may be capable of greater orgasmic responses than we previously thought possible.
If sex is good for your health, good sex is even better, and really great, mind-blowing multiorgasmic sex is even better than that! I believe that recent findings about male and female orgasm are changing our understanding of orgasm so radically that in the near future, we will find evidence that orgasm can have an even more profound effect on our physical and mental health. And the changing views will make it much easier for the average man and woman to reap these psychological and physical benefits.
Defining Orgasm
Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, and other sex researchers defined orgasm as a reflex that occurs when muscle tension and blood flow to the pelvis reach a peak and are dispersed, and when the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle group that supports the pelvic floor spasms rhythmically at 0.8 second intervals and the heart rate accelerates rapidly (often as high as 180 beats a minute) and then slows down. For men, orgasm usually includes ejaculation.
Orgasm can involve changes in blood pressure, heavy breathing, muscle spasms in the buttocks, tension in the arms, legs and neck, facial grimacing, sweating, the sex flush (reddening of the skin on the chest and neck), tingling of the fingers and toes, yawning, moaning, screaming and uncontrollable emotional outbursts such as weeping and laughing (or bursting into songs like "Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!"). Some people report a feeling of undefined sadness after orgasm, called post coital tristesse, which I always thought would make a great name for a rock group.
From a psychological standpoint, orgasm can provide a measure of relief or release, and encompass feelings of loss of control or even a sense of an altered state of consciousness, probably due to the release of endorphins.
I describe orgasms on a continuum from a localized genital sensation that is mildly pleasurable to a full-body orgasm with intense psychological sensations and all the fireworks--the kind of orgasm one of my clients calls "the psychedelic jackpot that lights up the universe." With this kind of variation, it's no wonder some women don't notice them.
The Female Orgasm
A brief history of orgasm reveals the radical changes in perspective over time.
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