Leavin' on a Jet Plane

Looks at how couples who are to be separated from each other expresses their feelings. Origin of this human behavior; People's attachment with each other.

By Jeff Howe, published on May 01, 1999

COUPLES

Love, it appears, is a lesson in airport security. The patterns of independence and defensiveness--so-called attachment styles--that children display with their parents play out in adult relationships, too. And it's all in the way couples say good-bye at the gate.

Airports are to attachment behaviors what the rain forest is to foraging activity: a living laboratory. They may be a public setting but, under the stress of impending separation and safety concerns, people freely express private behaviors there, like hugging, kissing or crying.

Which is why R. Chris Fraley, M.A., and Philip Shaver, Ph.D., went to the tarmac to secretly observe couples in which one was being left behind or who were departing together. They observed as 109 pairs engaged in the extended embraces and coos that echo a child's attempts to keep significant others close by or, on the other hand, gave a coolly avoidant wave of the wrist as a partner strode through the gate.

The University of California-Davis researchers questioned all duos about the length of their relationship, their feelings about separating and their attachment style. Not surprisingly, splitting pairs were more likely than those travelling together to activate the attachment behaviors that nature seems to have designed as a way to keep dyads together in difficult circumstances. This was especially true if the relationship was fairly new. Those in long-term relationships were less likely to hold on to, follow or stare out the airport window as if in search of their mate--presumably because they have established a stability and see the separation as brief and relatively inconsequential.

Women whose questionnaire responses indicated that their attachment style was avoidant were more likely than secure women to pull away from their partners without actions like prolonged cuddling to maintain proximity. Such a strategy is believed to parallel a child's history of denied bids for comfort or closeness at times of separation. Those who were anxious were as demonstrative as those securely attached in keeping partners nearby. However, they felt more internally distressed.

With lovers as with parents, people's attachment styles seem to stem from how they are treated by their partners--the less a loved one encourages affection, the more avoidant a person will likely be. But whether the style comes from handling by one's current seatmate or baggage from past relationships is still up in the air.

PHOTO (COLOR): Leavin on a Jet Plane