Gay No More

Some religious groups are trying to re-orient gays. Why are many psychiatrists alarmed?

By Barry Yeoman, published on March 01, 1999 - last reviewed on September 28, 2009

Researchers have also been examining whether brain structure correlates with sexual orientation. At San Diego's Salk Institute, Simon LeVay, Ph.D., a neuro scientist, has noted in autopsy studies that a certain nucleus--or cell cluster--in the hypothalamus is between two and three times larger in straight men than in gay men. He has also observed that this nucleus is generally smaller in deceased women, leading him to hypothesize that smaller structures are somehow correlated with sexual attraction toward men. (LeVay did not know the orientation of the deceased women whose brains he was studying.) LeVay's findings are open to challenge; for example, some critics note that the "gay brains" belonged to men who died of AIDS, whose nuclei might have been shrunk by their medications.

While many psychologists today are convinced that biological factors will ultimately prove to play a strong role in determining sexual orientation, a breakaway group of therapists believe that this entire body of science is off the mark. Known as "reparative therapists," they hew to an alternative theory of homosexuality, which has been adopted by both the secular and religious arms of the ex-gay movement. Their theory harks back to old notions of homosexuality as a mental disorder--notions repudiated by the American Psychiatric Association.

The current leader of this movement is Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D., director of the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. A lifelong heterosexual, Nicolosi makes no pretense of hiding his biases. "Nature made man complementary to woman, and to cling to the sameness of one's own sex is to look at the world with one eye," he writes in his book Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality (Jason Aronson, 1991). "I do not believe that any man can ever be truly at peace in living out a homosexual orientation."

To Nicolosi and his followers, gay male sexuality stems directly from a poor relationship between a boy and his father. If a father isn't a strong influence on the family, and if he doesn't provide emotional support and physical affection, then the child won't learn to identify with adult men. As he grows older, the boy will start looking for the maleness he never acquired, and his search will take on sexual overtones.

"People are gendered. We are naturally gendered into male and female. So the male homosexual is trying to find his unfulfilled masculinity," Nicolosi declares. "His homosexual attractions are a symptom of his desire to find his masculine identification and same-sex emotional needs."

Critics consider this a deeply flawed argument. Andrew Sullivan, former editor of The New Republic and a gay man, notes that if distant fathers were the cause, "then most of the generations born between 1930 and 1980 would be homosexual. There might also, perhaps, be a startling rise in homosexuality among African-Americans in the last 20 years, when absent fathers have become the norm, rather than the exception."

But Nicolosi presses on, maintaining that homosexuals can never be truly happy. He describes gay sex as "isolated and narcissistic," because partners experience orgasm separately and must negotiate their sexual roles in the acts they perform. And he claims "sexual sameness" causes partners to lose interest and look for other contacts. Nicolosi ignores the fact that lesbians are famously monogamous and dismisses two respected studies saying the majority of gay men have 20 or fewer panners in their lifetimes. "I just don't believe it," he says.

In Nicolosi's therapy, clients discuss their relationship with their parents, their sense of maleness, and new ways to interpret their sexual attractions. They're encouraged to form platonic friendships with handsome straight men in order to demystify and desexualize those men. And they are prevailed on to reclaim their masculinity by playing sports, getting angry and expressing their relationship needs directly.

The result is not instant heterosexuality. A successful client "doesn't immediately walk down a street and get a sexual charge from looking at a woman," Nicolosi says. "But he will begin to notice women. He will begin to feel a desire to get married and have a family." He will still be attracted to men, Nicolosi says, "but that sexual desire is greatly diminished. If the attraction is intense, it becomes a signal to him that there's something amiss in his life. "Wow, what is going on that I'm having a feeling like this? Have I been honestly connected to my wife? Have I been keeping connections with my friends?'"

Using such techniques, Christian ministries and reparative therapists claim to successfully convert about 30 percent of homosexuals in their programs. But are those really successes?

Nicolosi and his adherents don't track former clients, and mainstream psychologists have their doubts that these transformations are long-lasting. "I have yet to see a conversion hold," says Michael Picucci, Ph.D., a psychologist in New York City. More troubling, however, is the fact that these programs do not, as Nicolosi acknowledges, change basic sexual orientation. "The danger is that some individuals are going to end up feeling that in some important way their life is a lie and a sham," observes Christopher Wallis, M.D., a member of the American Psychoanalytic Association's committee on issues of homosexuality.