Reports on the marriages between citizens of the United States and
the former Soviet Union. Details on the book 'Wedded Strangers: The
Challenges of Russian-American Marriages,' by Lynn Visson; Attitude of
American men towards American women and vice-versa.
By
Robert Bosnak, published on January 01, 1999
CULTURES
In the thaw that has followed the end of the Cold War, marriages
between citizens of the U.S. and the former Soviet Union have increased
dramatically--and the qualities these men and women admire in their
foreign-born mates speak volumes about gender relations back home.
Psychologist Lynn Visson, Ph.D., interviewed 100 such couples for
her book Wedded Strangers: The Challenges of Russian-American Marriages
(Hippocrene Books, 1998). She reports that American men say they were fed
up with "bossy," "unattractive," feminist American women interested only
in themselves and their careers, preferring "feminine," "sexy" Russian
women who want to be homemakers. (The men may later discover that these
pussycats have steel claws: after 50 years of fending for themselves
through revolution, war and the Gulag, these women have an underlying
toughness American feminists might envy).
American women, meanwhile, say they found in their Russian mates a
sense of romance and old-fashioned chivalry rare among American men.
Their Russian counterparts, tired of drunken Russian men who do nothing
around the house, regard their American husbands as stabile, reliable
providers. Russian men are pleased that their American wives are real
friends and partners, rather than more traditional helpmates who are
always tired and full of complaints.
Of course, the very traits that attract each group to the other may
eventually create friction over gender roles and the raising of
bicultural children. Given the great differences that still remain
between the two cultures, says Visson--herself the product of a
Russian-American marriage--it's surprising that so many of these pairings
appear to be quite happy.
PHOTO (COLOR): Strange bedfellows
Adapted by PsyA
Robert Bosnak is a psychoanalyst in Cambridge,
Massachusetts.
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