Looks at the attitude of women after having with a child, or baby
blues. Attitudes of persons with fertility problems; Information on the
stages for coping with the problems; Comments from author of the book
'Infertility and Identity,' Lara Deveraux.
By
PT Staff, published on September 01, 1998
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby
carraige,goes the old rhyme. But what if your own body defeats your best
intentions? The psychological fallout from infertility lasts longer and
causes more pain than most people think, claim two social workers, and
even the ultimate arrival of children may not heal the pain.
Lara Deveraux and Ann Jackoway Hammerman, authors of the new book
Infertility and Identity (Jossey-Bass), find that clients with fertility
problems come i!them with one of two attitudes toward condition: either
coolly dethey are or utterly awash in grief. Initially led by these
reactions, the counselors soon realized that there are two different
states of coping: couples try at first to their feelings about
infertility then experience a rush of intense emotion.
They try to stay detached because society tells them they should
just get over it. "Many people don't realize what a huge loss infertility
is," Deveraux observes. "Having a child is something that people expect
they're going to be able to do. When that's taken away, they experience a
terrible loss of control."
Though people with fertility problems may seem to adjust, later
events-a parent's death, a niece or nephew's birth--can revive the pain.
Even having children may be no panacea. "Adoption resolves childlessness,
not infertility," explains Deveraux. "People still struggle with the
inability to bear biological children." And for those who do conceive,
"it may have been so hard to do so that they're still afraid of losing
the child."
The best--and perhaps only--way to cope with infertility, advise
the therapists, is to integrate it into your idea of yourself. "You need
to make infertility a part of who you are," says Deveraux, "not what
defines you."
PHOTO (COLOR): A woman going through the baby blues.
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