They may continue to speak in their parents' tongue when at home,
but over time the language of their peers will become their "native"
language. Adopting the ways of their contemporaries makes sense, says
Harris, because children will live among them, and not among older
adults, for the greater part of their lives. "Parents are past, peers are
future," she says.
It's evolutionarily adaptive, too. "Humans were designed to live
not in nuclear families, but in larger groups," observes Harris. "The
individuals who became our ancestors succeeded partly because they had
the ability to get along with the other members." The group continues to
influence us in a number of ways: we identify ourselves with it, and
change our behavior to conform to its norms. We define our group by
contrasting it with other groups, and seek to distinguish our group by
our actions and appearance. Within the group, we compare ourselves to
others and jockey for higher status. We may receive labels from our
peers, and strive to live up (or down) to them. Finally, we may be most
lastingly affected by peers by being rejected by them. People who were
rejected as children often report long-term self-esteem problems, poor
social skills, and increased rates of psychopathology.
Our personalities become less flexible as we grow older, says
Harris, so that "the language and personality acquired in childhood and
adolescent peer groups persist, with little modification, for the
remainder of the life span." It's a startling conclusion, but Harris
claims that her greatest challenge lies not in persuading people that
peers matter, but in convincing them that parents don't. She calls the
belief in parents' enduring importance "the nurture assumption," and her
forthcoming book by that title will argue that it's simply a myth of
modern culture. She doesn't deny that children need the care and
protection of parents, and acknowledges that mothers and fathers can
influence things like religious affiliation and choice of career. But,
she maintains, "parental behaviors have no effect on the psychological
characteristics their children will have as adults."
In fact, she says, "probably the most important way that parents
can influence their children is by determining who their peers are. The
immigrants who move their children to another country have provided them
with a completely different set of peers. But a less dramatic
shift -- simply deciding which neighborhood to live in -- can also make a
difference." From one area to another, she notes, there are substantial
variations in the rates of delinquency, truancy, and teen
pregnancy -- problems parents can try to avoid by surrounding their
offspring with suitable friends. Beyond that, however, children will make
their own choices. "It's pretty easy to control the social life of a
three-year-old," says Harris. "But once the kids are past age 10 or 12,
all bets are off."
Tags:
adolescent development,
child development,
collaborators,
conclusions,
david reiss,
delinquent behavior,
environment,
genes,
george washington university,
healthy kids,
initial results,
paradigm,
parent,
peers,
tendencies
