The Intricacies and oddities of humanbehavior never cease to
astound.
THE QUASIMODO CONNECTION
At first we didn't know what to make of some fashions in Rei
Kawakubos Comme des Garcons spring line. Specifically, the stretch fabric
dresses stuffed around the shoulders, neck, and torso with
kidney-bean-shaped pillows. Then we discovered their appeal as public
service announcements: You drink your milk and get that RDA for calcium,
young lady, or you'll end up more humpbacked than haute couture.
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE WEIGHTY KIND
First astronaut Shannon Lucid was denied showers and junk food for
six months while on the Russian orbiter Mir Then, besides being told
she'd feel weak, wobbly, and fatigued after splashdown, she was warned
she'd probably also feel heavier for a while. Maybe NASA should consider
launching the likes of Kate Moss into space.
SCHOOL DAZED
In New York City, Johnny got his gun back when a state appeals
court ruled that one "Juan C." should not have been suspended four years
earlier for bringing a loaded gun into his high school. Since the
security guard who stopped the teenager saw only a suspicious bulge, not
the weapon itself, the search was deemed illegal.
Meanwhile, in Lexington, North Carolina, a six-year-old was removed
from first grade and charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate. In Fairborn, Ohio, an eighth grader was allowed to return to
school after a 13-day suspension for taking Midol from the nurse's
office, then giving one to her girlfriend. And in Kingwood, Texas, a
13-year-old was suspended after drag-sniffing dogs detected Advil stashed
in her backpack.
All of which gives us a headache. But we won't risk a bust over a
Bayer. We'll just use our legally sanctioned concealed weapon to medicate
ourselves.
SHORTS TAKE
What puts pizzazz in a relationship? Maryann Troiani, Psy. D., and
Michael Mercer, Ph.D., authors of Change Your Underwear, Change Your
Life, reveal that huge numbers of women cherish wearing their man's
clothing. Ninety-two percent surveyed borrowed their significant other's
sweaters, while 39 percent filched his underpants, which "makes her man
feel special," says Mercer. We're waiting for the survey that shows how
women feel when they come home to find lover boy wearing a familiar
Wonderbra, garter belt, and fishnet stockings.
FORGET THE BLOODY GLOVE. NOW IT'S UNDERWEAR AS ALIBI!
After British tabloids reported on a video (later proven fake)
featuring Princess Diana, in sports bra and bike shorts, horsing around
with former lover James Hewitt, Di herself protested it wasn't she. The
proof? She'd only started working out after the breakup and owned no such
underwear during the Hewitt days. Sounds to us like another unexpected
benefit of exercise.
THE SEAT OF INTOLERANCE
In Tehran, Iran, female cyclists have been confined to a fenced-in
police-monitored bicycle track or stationary bikes at home since
religious leaders declared that, since bicycle seats resemble saddles and
Muslim women shouldn't ride horseback, bike riding should also be
prohibited. "Women must avoid anything that attracts strangers, so riding
bicycles or motorcycles by women in public places involves corruption and
is forbidden," said the country's spiritual leader. We won't ask about
his views on sports bras and bike shorts.
PHOTOS (COLOR): Is that the beginning of osteoporosis or are you
just dressing more fashionably? These runway models are in shape to ring
Quasimodo's chimes.
Tags:
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fairborn ohio,
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kate moss,
kidney bean,
kingwood texas,
lexington north carolina,
loaded gun,
midol,
public service announcements,
rda for calcium,
russian orbiter,
space school,
splashdown,
spring line,
state appeals court,
stretch fabric,
troiani
