The intricacies oddities of human behavior never cease to
astound.
LET'S TALK TURKEY
Over 200,000 callers to the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line do. Among
the stranger questions fielded at 1-800-323-4848: Do turkeys have belly
buttons? (Since they're hatched from eggs, no.) Can you keep an uncooked
turkey frozen by strapping it to the luggage rack while driving to
Minnesota? (Yes, if the outside temperature is below freezing.) If you're
out of cooking oil, can you baste your bird with suntan oil? (No.) But
the all-time favorite of operators may well be the Kentucky woman whose
Chihuahua was lodged inside her bird; she wanted to salvage both dinner
and her pet. (Their advice was to widen the turkey's cavity with a single
cut and set the dog free.) Makes you want to call and find out these
people's names before you end up at their houses this
Thanksgiving.
THE SOLE OF ROMANCE?
First came Fergie, Duchess of York, who was caught with her top
down and her "financial advisor" tonguing her tootsies. Then came the
revelation by Sherry Rowlands, former presidential advisor Dick Morns's
high-priced spread, that Morris was a foot fetishist who liked to suck
her toes and lick the bottoms of her feet. Finally, the New York Post
reported how Frasier star Kelsey Grammer (pre-Betty Ford) came on to a
nurse he invited over for the weekend: "He began sucking my toes and
moaning, 'Feed me, feed me.'" Is this a trend we smell, or do we need a
new pair of Odor-Eaters?
AM I BLUE?
We admit we were intrigued by one of the latest beauty looks--blue
lips, achievable with shades like M.A.C.'s Cyber and Givenchy Beaute's
Bleu Desir. These colors aren't red-blues. They're very dark blues, more
like blue-blacks. According to Givenchy, our lips will "tell seductive
tales" when they're decked out this way Is this just lip service? We
decided to take these lipsticks for a test drive. The result: Think
hypothermia. ("You come out of the water right now, young lady, your lips
are turning blue!") Think "overdose blue," as in Uma Thurman's kisser in
Pulp Fiction. Think "shit-eating grin." Really.
DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY
Our thoughts after starting to read Become Happy in Eight Minutes
by Siimon Reynolds and realizing that after eight minutes we were only on
page 26 out of 130: Where is Evelyn Wood when we need her?
ABSOLUTELY THE FIRST AND LAST THING YOU'LL READ ABOUT THE MACARENA
IN THIS MAGAZINE
We know this Latin dance craze has been declared passe now that
it's a staple at bar mitzvahs and senior centers. But last summer
delegates to the Republican and Democratic national conventions danced
the macarena in the aisles while presidential wanna-be Pat Buchanan
continued to spout off about building a wall between the U.S. and Mexico
to keep out the "Joses," both parties era-braced a new welfare bill that
would deny government benefits to aliens, including some legal
immigrants, and the "English-only" movement was growing. Oh, now we get
it! Send us your pop culture but please leave Popi at home.
THE HORNINESS OF THE LONG-DISTANCE RUNNER
Does sex sap sports strength? According to a 15-country survey,
respondents from Thailand and South Africa believe refraining from sex
before a major sporting event like the Olympics improves the chances of
medaling. But people from Germany, Spain, and Mexico strongly
disagree.
So how did everyone do at last summer's Olympic games? Germany won
a total of 65 medals, second only to the United States, while Spain took
home a respectable 17. South Africa and Thailand managed to win 5 and 2,
respectively The Mexicans only managed one--a bronze--probably because
they were busy having sex and doing the macarena.
PHOTO (COLOR): Blame it on Los Del Rio, the musical maestros behind
the macarena.
Tags:
belly buttons,
blue lips,
butterball turkey,
dark blues,
fergie duchess of york,
foot fetishist,
frasier star,
human behavior,
kelsey grammer,
kentucky woman,
luggage rack,
morns,
new york post,
odor eaters,
red blues,
sherry rowlands,
single cut,
suntan oil,
test driv,
turkey talk
