Without any evidence, eating disorders have been blamed on parents.
The anorexic child has been seen as postponing puberty in order to
protect the castrated father from the homicidal mother. The bulimic has
been seen as vomiting to rid herself of the incestuous father's sperm.
(There is no statistically valid connection between incest and anorexia
or bulimia.) The bulimic is seen as hungry either because the mother fed
her too much, or not enough, or because the introjected rejecting mother
is biting the stomach lining. Actually, the most consistent family
pathology behind these disorders is an identification of fat as ugly and
a family history of dieting.
Avoid the quick-but-expensive fix, and get into the habit of
therapy for the long haul, and don't look any deeper than your own body
image and eating habits.
Dear Dr. Frank,
Help! I'm not sure, but I think my former doctor is either stalking
me or trying to drive me nuts. I've even thought of going to the
police.
Somehow, through the medical grapevine, he learned that I thought
he was handsome. He wanted me to talk about it during my last visit, but
I was afraid to say anything because we're both married and I needed him
as my doctor, not my lover. He subtly came on to me by taking off my gown
without asking permission first. I think my mistake was not setting him
straight right away. I tried to be polite.
After I decided not to see him anymore, I began getting strange
phone calls. I would also see him in my town (I live way up in the
sticks) and he would stare at me in my car. It was scary. When I got home
the phone would ring, then stop. He did this for four weekends in a row.
That was seven months ago.
I've come to know a friend of his, and for some reason he used his
friend to get information about me, all the while dropping hints that the
doctor was not trying to scare me. He said he was just intrigued by me
after I started something and didn't finish it. I told his friend that
he's no longer my doctor, and it's best we stay away from each
other.
Apparently the doctor didn't like my reply; he's back in the phone
business, and I'm seeing him around my town more and more.
-- Hiding in the Sticks
Dear Twig,
If you're confused about who is calling you, the telephone company
will tell you how to find out. If you're confused about whether your
ex-doctor is behaving unethically, ask the medical licensing board. If
you're confused about whether his actions constitute stalking, ask the
police.
Most likely, you're confused about whether you've been leading this
handsome doctor on. He certainly seems to think so--and apparently he's
turned on by passive female politeness. But don't fuss at him: He may be
even more aroused by female anger. Instead, sever all direct and indirect
contact. A curt "no thank you" note from you and your husband should
bring it to an abrupt halt. (If you're talking to his friends and the
medical grapevine, but not your husband, about this relationship, then it
all takes on a hint of flirtation.) If a note from you and your husband
doesn't stop it, a note from your attorney will.
If you are mistaken and the doctor is not hanging out in your neck
of the woods to stalk you, he will think you've gone nuts for accusing
him of it, but so what? You're trying to run him off anyway.
Let me recommend rudeness as a useful weapon in your social
arsenal. A lady or gentleman never offends anyone intentionally, of
course, but rudeness may be the ideal way to deflate inappropriate
lovesick advances. A moment of haughty contempt is more deflating than an
hour of pained, apologetic explanations about your duty to your
mate.
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