The secret of happy marriages

Presents excerpts from psychologist John Gottman's speech on the secret of happy marriages delivered before the American Psychological Association. Importance of accepting wife's influence; Impact of husband's response to his wife's negative affect.

By John Gottman, published on November 01, 1995

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'What characterizes the marriages of stable and happy couples? It is ahusband's ability to accept influence from his wife, to not 'bat back' all [her expressions of] negative affect with defensiveness, contempt, or belligerence. A husband's accepting influence from his wife is the critical 'Mother of All Marital Processes'--marriages will work to the extent that men do this. Whatever stable, happy husbands are doing in response to their wives' negative affect, it involves de-escalation [of negative emotion].

ILLUSTRATION

John Gottman, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Washington, in a speech at the American Psychological Association convention.