The secret of happy marriages

'What characterizes the marriages of stable and happy couples? It is ahusband's ability to accept influence from his wife, to not 'bat back' all [her expressions of] negative affect with defensiveness, contempt, or belligerence. A husband's accepting influence from his wife is the critical 'Mother of All Marital Processes'--marriages will work to the extent that men do this. Whatever stable, happy husbands are doing in response to their wives' negative affect, it involves de-escalation [of negative emotion].

ILLUSTRATION

John Gottman, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Washington, in a speech at the American Psychological Association convention.