Self-esteem is one thing. But many psychologists have been
preaching the gospel of self-delusion. They argue it's actually healthy
to think more highly of yourself than reality warrants.
There's nothing wrong with feeling good about oneself, of course.
But when self-perception races ahead of reality, the likely result is a
socially inept misfit, warns Northeastern University's C. Randall Colvin.
As part of a decades-long study that has tracked 130 individuals
since nursery school, Colvin and his colleagues assessed subjects'
personalities at ages 18 and 23, monitoring such traits as dependability
and how subjects handle life's frustrations. The volunteers provided
self-descriptions, and their friends contributed evaluations as
well.
When the researchers looked at subjects who were
"self-enhancers" -- those whose glowing self-image bore little resemblance
to their true personality -- a disturbing portrait emerged.
"Self-enhancers tend to be hostile, lack social skills, and appear
anxious and moody," says Colvin. "They are sensitive to criticism and
keep people at a distance -- perhaps so that they don't get negative
feedback that might alter their overly positive view. They are trying to
hide their flaws from themselves."
If self-enhancers are deluding themselves, they're not fooling
their friends. Even their pals describe self-enhancers as hostile,
condescending, and unable to delay gratification, report Colvin and
University of California psychologists Jack Block and David C.
Funder in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. And when friends see through the facade, self-enhancers
engage in more distortion and denial in an attempt to maintain a positive
self-view.
All this suggests that artificially propping up someone's
self-esteem may provide a temporary mental boost -- but in the long run
stunts their social and personal well-being.
"Positive self-esteem is good," says Colvin. "But the context has
to be based on reality. Knowing that imperfections exist is the first
step to improving yourself."
