The idea that the Sexual Revolution is at odds with romance (not to
mention tradition) is one that is widely held, even by some of those who
endorse many of the revolution's apparent objectives. But there is
nothing in our findings to indicate that romance and the sexual
revolution are inimical--unless one's defense of romance disguises an
agenda of traditional male dominance and the courtly illusion of intimacy
and communication between the sexes.
The trend now, as we shall see, is away from illusion and
toward--in transition, at least--a sometimes painful reality in which the
sexes are finally making an honest effort to understand one
another.
But to some, it may seem that the sexes are farther apart today
than they ever have been. The real gender gap, they say, is a
communications gap so cavernous that only the most intrepid or foolhardy
dare try to bridge it. Many look back at the Anita Hill affair and say
that was the open declaration of war between the sexes.
The mistake many make, however, is saying that there has been a
recent breakdown in those communications, hence all this new discontent.
This conclusion usually goes unchallenged, but there is nothing in the
data we have seen from past decades to indicate that sexual- and
gender-related communication were ever better than they are today. On the
contrary, a more thoughtful analysis makes it very clear they have always
been worse.
What has changed is our consciousness about this issue. Problems in
communication between the sexes have been masked for decades by a rigid
social code that strictly prescribes other behavior. Communication
between the sexes has long been preprogrammed by this code to produce an
exchange that has been as superficial as it is oppressive. As this
process begins to be exposed by its own inadequacies in a rapidly
changing world, we suddenly discover that we have a problem. But, of
course, that problem was there for a long time, and the discovery does
not mean a decline in communication between the sexes but, rather,
provides us with the potential for better relationships in the long
run.
Thus what we call a "breakdown" in communications might more aptly
be called a breakthrough.
Seymour Parker, of the University of Utah, demonstrated that men
who are the most mannerly with women, those who adhere most strictly to
the "code" discussed above, are those who most firmly believe,
consciously or unconsciously, that women are "both physically and
psychologically weaker (i.e., less capable) than men." What has long
passed for male "respect" toward women in our society is, arguably,
disrespect.
Yet what has been learned can be unlearned--especially if women
force the issue, which is precisely what is happening now. Women's views
of themselves are changing and that, more than anything, is working to
eliminate many of the stereotypes that supported the image of women as
weak and inferior. Women, far from letting men continue to dictate to
them, are making it clear they want more real respect from men and will
accept nothing less. They want a genuine dialogue; they want men to
recognize that they speak with a distinct and equal voice, not one that
is merely ancillary to the male voice.
The sexual revolution made possible a serious inquiry into the ways
that men and women are alike and the ways that each is unique. This
revolutionary development promises to narrow the gender gap as nothing
else can, for only by understanding the differences that make
communication so complex do we stand any chance of mastering those
complexities.
SUBTRENDS
Greater Equality Between the Sexes
Despite talk in the late 1980s and early 1990s of the decline of
feminism and declarations that women, as a social and political force,
are waning, equality between the sexes is closer to becoming a reality
than ever before. Women command a greater presence in the workforce and
wield greater political power than they have ever done. They are assuming
positions in both public and private sectors that their mothers and
grandmothers believed were unattainable (and their fathers and
grandfathers thought were inappropriate) for women. Nonetheless, much
remains to be achieved before women attain complete equality--but
movement in that direction will continue at a pace that will surprise
many over the next two decades.
Women voters, for example, who have long outnumbered male voters,
are collectively a sleeping giant whose slumber many say was abruptly
interrupted during the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearings in 1991. The
spectacle of a political "boy's club" raking the dignified Hill over the
coals of sexual harassment galvanized the entire nation for days.
On another front, even though women have a long way to go to match
men in terms of equal pay for equal work, as well as in equal
opportunity, there is a definite research trend that shows women can
match men in the skills needed to succeed in business. This growing body
of data will make it more difficult for businesses to check the rise of
women into the upper echelons of management and gradually help to change
the corporate consciousness that still heavily favors male
employees.
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