Presents a humorous guide to physical deterioration as the body
ages. Thinning hair, graying body hair, the 'paunch' (men); Drooping
breasts, menopause, varicose veins (women); From American Dental
Association, 'Handbook of the Psychology of Aging,' Third Edition,
'Women's Encyclopedia of Health and Emotional Healing.'
By
PT Staff, published on November 01, 1993
Thinning hair: One of the body's first warnings that the party's
over.Time to dig out your old Yankees cap.
Body hair: The graying hair that flutters from your head magically
takes root in the ears, nostrils, and even on the shoulders.
The "Paunch": Once you hit the big 3-0, your body begins to
redistribute fat from under the skin to the abdomen. Every slice of pizza
you ever ate is now hanging over your belt.
Sex Organs: Although fertile throughout life, older men take up to
three times longer to get an erection than their younger
counterparts--and produce only half as much semen.
Knees: Time to pay the piper for years of pick-up basketball games.
The once-spongy cartilage protecting the knee joints is now flat and
tattered.
Brain: Scores of brain cells are lost or damaged over the years.
The brain adapts by increasing the number of connections, or synapses,
which carry messages between brain cells.
Teeth: Start making oatmeal. Three of four adults over 35 get gum
disease. Forty-two percent of Americans over 65 are totally
toothless.
Lungs: Breathe deeply. Between the ages of 20 and 70, maximum lung
capacity can shrink by almost 40 percent.
Muscles: Time to flex. Muscle mass deflates by as much as 23
percent between ages of 30 and 70--though exercise can prevent this
loss.
Skin: Supporting cells that attach the inner and outer layers of
skin begin to break down. Telltale signs: wrinkles and baggy
knees.
Life span: Peace at last. Women live an average of seven years
longer than men.
Bosom: The fight against gravity becomes a losing battle as breasts
begin their downward droop into pancake oblivion.
Menopause: Say hello to hot flashes, insomnia, and mood swings--all
telltale signs of reduced estrogen levels. The good news: Sex gets better
thanks to increased levels of hormones secreted by the adrenal
glands.
Varicose veins: One in five women suffer from the spider-web woes.
The human equivalent of a clogged fuel line, varicose veins begin to
swell into unsightly lumps when valves fail, causing blood to pool and
exert pressure on vein walls.
Sources: American Dental Association; Handbook of the Psychology of
Aging, Third Edition (Academic Press Inc., 1990); Women's Encyclopedia of
Health and Emotional Healing (Rodale Press, 1993).
ILLUSTRATION: (VINCENT ALTAMORE)
Tags:
adrenal glands,
aging,
appearance,
basketball games,
Body image,
estrogen levels,
graying hair,
humor,
knee joints,
layers of skin,
losing battle,
lung capacity,
news sex,
outer layers,
paunch,
physical deterioration,
sex organs,
slice of pizza,
telltale signs,
time to pay the piper,
yankees cap