What does it take to make a good marriage? From a study of 119 couples and their children, a trio of family researchers believes they have just identified an absolutely essential ingredient. A couple needs to have similar perceptions of their relationship.
A good relationship is not one without problems--but you and your partner must both agree that there are problems. If you see something as a problem and your partner thinks everything is just fine, you're both headed for unhappiness.
The greater the similarity in perceptions of their marriage and their family life, the more couples were satisfied with their relationship, the more they felt their partner valued them and understood their feelings, and the more they felt they had positive, open communication.
The researchers, led by Dr. James E. Deal of the University of Arizona, were surprised to find that degree of similarity was not related to how long couples were married. Nor did it increase over the two years of the study they reported in Family Process (Vol. 31, No. 4).
