Announces that Carol D. Ryff, a University of Wisconsin
psychologist, has begun looking at how kids influence their parents.
Children as source of well-being to parents during middle phase of
parenting; Mid-life crisis; Parents' feelings of success in bringing up
their children; Differences on moms and dads.
By
PT Staff, published on January 01, 1993
Midlife Evaluation
EVER SINCE FREUD, the psych biz has been anxiously counting the
ways that parents, and especially mothers, influence their children. Even
then, it focuses almost exclusively on the early childhood years.
In a novel turn of the lens, a University of Wisconsin psychologist
has begun looking at how kids return the favor and influence their
parents. She finds that children are a major source of the well-being of
their parents during the middle phase of parenting. These are the years
beginning when the kids hit their twenties and get up to speed as
adults.
Contrary to popular myth, people don't automatically experience a
crisis when they hit midlife. But they do begin a process of
self-evaluation. For parents, Carol D. Ryff, Ph.D., reported to the
American Psychological Association meeting in Washington, the basic
question is, how have the kids turned out. The kids' emotional adjustment
and educational attainment is so crucial to how parents perceive
themselves that Ryff now views the question as a developmental task of
midlife.
Parents who perceive that their children turned out well experience
a sense of well-being. And the extent to which parents see themselves as
responsible increases their satisfaction. The greater sense of
responsibility for a child's success, the better a parent sees
himself
Actually, herself. Self-evaluation in terms of children's
attainment is greater among moms than dads, Ryff found in her study of
542 grown kids and their parents. If the Freudian legacy decrees moms get
the blame when things go wrong, it's only fair that they take credit when
things go well.
"Well" compared to what? That's the tricky part. In general,
parents felt less satisfied with themselves if they saw their kids
outdistancing them. But not mothers who themselves had high levels of
education. They were happiest with themselves at midlife when their kids
outperformed them.
No matter what parents say to their children, concludes Ryff, their
most private parental admonition probably sounds something like this: Do
well, my child, but not better than me.
PHOTO: EVERYONE KNOWS HOW VIRGINIA KELLEY'S KID TURNED OUT.
(GAMMA)
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