GOOD PARENTS
Don't tell me what to do!" is the rebellious message teens often
send their parents. Yet a new study finds that adolescents parental
authority and guidance more than they let on.
Teenagers cherish their independence and privacy, reports Zipora
Magen, Ph.D., of the University of Tel Aviv. But they also value parental
support and want parents to set limits on their behavior.
Magen looked at kids of three different age groups and their
perceptions of what makes a dynamite parent In all three-8 to
9-year-olds, 14 to 15-year-olds, and 17 to 18-year-olds-children cited
parental authority as important and looked to parents as role
models.
But they differed somewhat over good parenting practices. The
youngest group didn't think parents should allow privacy and autonomy or
act in a democratic fashion, while the older groups rated those high in
importance.
Younger kids wanted time with their parents and treats from them.
Mid-teens didn't; they want parents to recognize their need for
independence and yet support them emotionally-a tall order!
The oldest group showed a continued need for a balance between
independence and autonomy and guidance and approval from Parents. They
were more likely to see a parent in a "friend" role.
Magen also compared children's and Parents' perceptions of what
makes a good parent. Parents of low and high economic status, regardless
of education, placed a higher value on schooling and studying than their
children did. In fact, kids' slacking off at school was a leading cause
of parent-child conflict in both low- and high-income homes.
Poor parents thought they should be. stow more material goods on
their kids than did richer parents. That's because poorer parents feel
inadequate financially, Magen reported at the recent American
Psychological Association Convention in Washington, D.C.
Generally, parents and their adolescent offspring have similar
perceptions of what makes a good parent. it's just that parents and teens
think there are bigger differences between them than there re. ally are.
"Each side also tends to underestimate the positive attitude held toward
them by the other side," says Magen.
What parents don't realize is just how much guidance their kids
want from them in the turbulent adolescent years. It's not that parents
don't care-they just don't feel so needed. So hang in there, folks-your
kids may shun you but they expect your input.
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