Explains that in the horrid world of sexual child abuse, the mother
of the molested child is often overlooked as a victim. Frequently blamed
for not preventing the attack; Desperate need of counseling; Quicker
recovery with counseling; Heaviest emotional baggage carried by those who
were sexually abused themselves; Denial of abuse.
By
PT Staff, published on September 01, 1992
SEXUAL ABUSE
EVERY FOUR MINUTES a young girl or boy is sexually abused. Without
treatment, the experience can blight a child's life. Still, there's
almost always another victim who goes untended: the child's
mother.
Frequently blamed for not preventing the attack or for not
immediately believing the incident occurred, moms of sexually abused
children are actually quite supportive of their kids after the trauma.
But they desperately need counseling to repair their own feelings of
guilt, anxiety, and depression, insists Harvard University psychologist
Carolyn Moore Newberger.
In a yearlong series of interviews with 49 sexually abused children
and their mothers, Newberger found that moms who receive counseling
recovered faster than those who didn't. In addition, professional
treatment of the abused kids-usually six to 12-year-old girls-often
soothed a mother's emotional distress more effectively than her own
therapy.
"Perhaps for a woman experiencing a trauma to her child, the relief
of having sup. port for her child translates into her own recovery," says
Newberger. She adds that moms of abused kids often carry around I's sense
of injustice, of being victimized, and a sense of helplessness" after the
incident.
If the offender is the child's father, mothers may also feel
sexually inadequate, jealous, or rejected, especially if their husband Is
a Prince Charming who agrees to take care of the kids while mom works.
Of. fenders often prefer this arrangement, It guarantees full access to
the kids.
But the mothers with the emotional baggage may be those who are
themselves sexually abused as children. Sixteen of the moms Newberger
Interviewed had been sexually abused. They still felt high levels of
psychological distress a year after the kid's abuse took place.
Often they have denied their own abuse for so long that they can't
accept what's happened to their children. As a result, therapy programs
must not only help mothers feel good about themselves, but at the same
time instill information about the child's abuse. Newberger suggests two
years of therapy.
Without it, the cycle of violence may repeat itself as abused moms
and kids continue to form relationships with abusing personalities,
Stendahl warns. Many mothers who were abused as children never learn the
stages of dating and courtship. As a result, they "go from being sexually
attracted to thinking a relationship is the end all"without ever knowing
their husbands-to-be.
Illustration: (RICK SEALOCK)
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