What Women Need
Why do women stay in physically abusive relationships for so long
if they are allegedly so bad?
The short answer is, they have no place to go and are protecting
their kids--a woman who walks out forfeits custody. Ponder this: Across
the United States, there are 1,200 shelters for battered women, and only
5% of them accept women with children. By contrast, there are 3,800
shelters for homeless animals.
The real answer is, although it's the most commonly asked question
about women who allege domestic violence by their partners, it's the
wrong question. It presupposes the victim is to blame for the violent
crime committed against her.
"Battered women are trapped in a web of dependency and need support
systems to get out," contends Sarah M. Buel, assistant district attorney
and supervisor of domestic-violence prosecution for Norfolk County,
Massachusetts. "The real question is not why they stay; it's why do we
find ways to deny and tolerate domestic violence."
Typically, victims make many efforts to get away from violent
partners, Buel told a symposium on domestic violence sponsored by Harvard
University. But, lacking money, a place to go, and options for quickly
supporting themselves, most are forced to return, and are socialized to
extend forgiveness--one more time--to their typically apologetic mates.
More than 80% have left five or more times.
"We know what works," insists Scott Harshbarger, Attorney General
of Massachusetts. "Domestic violence is a serious violent crime. Why do
we treat it differently from other crimes? We need to prosecute the
perpetrators and provide support services that validate the
victims."
Among the stark facts on family violence:
o Physical abuse is the number-one cause of injury to women.
o One out of every two women will be in a battering relationship at
some time in her life.
o Domestic violence affects every ethnic group and socioeconomic
class. (It is one of the deep dark secrets of the Asian community.) No
background offers immunity.
o You are nine times more likely to be killed in a family
relationship than on the streets.
o Battering may begin or increase during pregnancy. Physical abuse
during pregnancy is an important cause of miscarriage and of intrauterine
growth retardation, leading to delivery of low-birthweight babies.
o Physical abuse has more long-term effects than any other
crime.
o In 70% of cases involving battering, it is the abuser--the
husband--who gets custody of the children.
o When the father is the abuser, the mother is always charged with
the crime of failing to protect her offspring.
o More than 60% of younger men in prison are doing time for killing
the man who battered their mother.
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