See ya BMW, hello peace of mind. A leadingorganizational
psychologist details the new game plan, play by play.
WITH OUR PASSAGE into the 1990s, we seemed to hit the hollow ground
between achieving success and feeling successful. We know we need to
redefine success beyond the material, but that, frankly, is easier said
than done. The following eight points will help you clarify your
assumptions about success and separate myth from reality.
1. Narrow focus/singular goal vs. diverse roles/multiple
goals
Is your life oriented around one particular goal?
Do you make time for interests and friends outside work?
Are you postponing important personal decisions pending
a major achievement at work?
MANY OF MY PATIENTS CHARACTERIZE themselves as highly competitive,
ambitious professionals; then, in the same breath, will admit that they
never have time or energy for the pursuits that satisfy them. When I ask
if their ambition gives them satisfaction, they give a perplexed shrug.
Competitive ambition does generate a certain heat and fervor that can
feel like pleasure, but when this pleasure comes at the expense of deeply
meaningful relationships, activities, and interests, then the effect is
negative.
But, my patients protest, the Eighties taught them that the only
way to get ahead is by focusing on a single goal and going for it tooth
and nail. Forget about feeling successful, they declare; you have to look
at what it takes to acquire success.
It's counterproductive to have a narrow focus and a singular goal.
Among the abundance of research that supports this position is the Grant
study, which tracked a group of Harvard graduates for more than 50 years.
Those with the most successful careers were not necessarily academic
superstars, and their professional ambitions have not wholly defined
their lives since. Instead, they've allowed themselves to build strong,
stable marriages and deep friendships. They've made room in their lives
for exercise, relaxation, and multiple interests and activities.
They've also become best-selling authors, cabinet members,
scholars, physicians, judges, and captains of industry. In short, they've
shown an abundance of initiative rather than blinding ambition.
Initiative tends to enliven and open us up to new ideas and
opportunities, while ambition tends to enclose us.
Viewed within the broad context of your life, ambition can be a
strong motivator, and goals can help you organize your time and energy.
The danger arises when you allow just one goal to define your life. Time
and again my patients tell me that they must first reach a certain level
of professional success before they can get married, have a child, take
up a sport, or even spend time with a dear friend or relative.
However, professional success is not always a direct fiction, of
ambition; luck, timing, skill, and lodgevity are often more potent
factors. In the second place, you're more likely to succeed both
personally and professionally if you embrace three key pursuits in
different areas--for example, work, family life, and leisure
activity--than if you focus entirely on a single objective.
2. Self-promotion vs. self-trust and self-expression Do you strive
to appear more successful to others than
you think you really are?
Do you fear being disliked?
Do you respect yourself?
THE MYTH OF SELF-PROMOTION ARISES out of the commercialism of
society. We buy and sell products and services. We've come to view
ourselves as commodities as well. There is a pervasive assumption that
success depends on how well we "sell" ourselves. It's not enough to be
talented, skillful, and creatively involved in our work; we have to round
out the package with an engaging personality, physical charm, and
powerful connections. If we don't have it naturally, we have to fake
it.
Unfortunately, in the process of promoting ourselves, we often
confuse acceptance with self-respect. We want so badly for everyone to
like us that we may neglect those who love us the most and make it almost
impossible to love ourselves. Then, when outsiders don't buy our
promotional package, we feel that we've failed.
All too often the concentration on a packaged image also eclipses
the development of the skill, talent, and creativity that are required
for real growth and advancement. As a result, the self-promoter can end
up losing both psychologically and professionally when the
employer/buyers begin to look for the substance inside that impressive
package.
Meaningful success requires not self-promotion but self-trust. In
the end, the facade you mold and refine to someone else's specifications
is far less important than your core identity: your values, ideals,
talents, and dreams.
When you are committed to expressing your deeper sell it becomes
very difficult to change, chameleon-like, to fit the latest marketing
trends. Yet when you trust yourself, you exude the capability, pride,
confidence, and conviction that make you impressive to others. Even among
your rivals, you will command widespread respect for your integrity. That
respect, supported by inner conviction, is what separates truly
successful leaders from followers.
3. Independence vs. interdependence Do other people's problems
concern you?
Are you responsible to anyone but yourself?
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